What (Not) To Wear: New York Yankees Edition

First let me say, this is not a game recap. You can get that anywhere. Hughes returned from the DL to pitch pretty well but not as well as "Bat" Masterson (look it up youngins') and his enormous feet. Once again, Handsome Jack only made it in for the final two innings although I did not get to yell "Jack Hannahan would have had that!". A good thing if a bit disappointing. Jack was wearing the short pants yet I could only admire his stretching from afar. I have decided that I would like to see him play in a kilt and if I am at the game, that he should play first base that night. Derek "Old Man" Jeter (Note: if you are a corn fed virgin boy from Scanton, PA, it's Derek "A God" Jeter and yes, it's a "god" as in Valhalla even if you really have no clue what that means) got a hit and I booed A-Roid so much I am a bit horse this morning. I was also denied a "Sandy Duncan?" but did get to call for "Chick Hips" Perez when old Vinnie made a bit of a "Pestano" of the 9th inning raising the delicate hopes of the loser pseudo-Latina Stankee fans in attendance. But enough of that....

Best Bermuda Shorts and Loafers Ensemble

On a hot, sticky and at times, stinky night in Cleveland your average baseball fan is going to have a hard time determining what to wear. Factor in the weeknight and you had a lot of guys who came from the (law) office, it's only natural that Bermuda shorts and loafers were all the rage. For the grand slam, you really need to pair it with the right shirt. Something in a "hot coral" as it does indeed bring out the tan that you just got on the family vacation last week or on the golf course this summer. The result is a classic "Full Boehner":



Okay, so the dude in front with the jacket tied around his waist is kind of precious as well. I suppose you can never be "too prepared" for a game but it was about 85 at first pitch. He gets an honorable mention for needless accessorization.

Gayest Yankee Fan Attire

Let me begin by apologizing for being so politically incorrect but I am a child of the 70s and calling something "gay" is not an insult to the LGBT community. I think we can all agree that a gay man would never wear either the Jeter shirt (it was that shiny thin nylon) or the World Series year montage hat. This is pure unadulterated undiluted "Fan Boy":



Powerful, I know. Equally powerful was his date because she towered over him like Steve Austin's Sasquatch (if you don't watch the Venture Bros. you won't get this so shame on you!).



A magnificent beast...I mean creature!