Oh, Bring it on Motha-fuckas

Beautiful night. Lauren learns the joy of pornstache cop. Fickle Indians fans (yes, there were the "Indians sucks" chants after the errors and the sloppy pitching) but I guess first place isn't good enough for some people. Mean old ladies mext to us - sober as church mice - with the dirty looks whenever I had to pee or get beer. At one point the dude behind us asked me if the Reds pitcher was throwing a perfect game (he got there a little late) and I said "No, there was a walk at some point" but one of the mean old ladies next to me clarified with her superior sober memory that there had been no walk. The guy says "But LOB - that's left on base - is 0. How could we have had a walk?". Sober lady looks smug while I give him the "d'uh" look and say "I think maybe a double play...but I am pretty sure we had a base runner at some point". Five minutes later he confirms the walk with his trusty smart phone and I gloat privately. Sober lady looks away in disgust and I tell the guy that I am pretty sure he just jinxed the pitcher. His friend sounds just like Norm MacDonald but is not funny. It's very annoying especially when he tells me no one ever told him that before. Then it happens, the Indians explode. The dude totally jinxed the pitcher...or was it just another little taste of Armegeddon.

Seriously, on Doomsday Eve, with the Tribe down by a run in the bottom of the 8th inning, Ezequiel Carrera is sent to the plate as a pinch hitter and drops a lovely bunt to score Choo! Oh, bring it on Armies of Darkness!

An Open Letter To Harold Camping

Sir:

First, can I just say that it's rained for like 10 days straight. We've had about double the normal amount of rain in April and we've already exceeded May's standards by over 4 inches. Saturday, May 21, 2011, the National Weather Service says that we will have 75 degree temperatures and brilliant sunshine. I am guessing it won't truly be sunshine but the rapture?

If I may beg your indulgence, I have a couple of questions for you. My friend Lauren and I are going to the baseball game Friday night and I am pretty sure we will not be among His chosen people. As I am not sure what time zone applies for the rapture and subsequent cataclysms, we are bringing rain ponchos. Will these offer any protection from the cataclysmic events or should we also purchase batting helmets from the Indians' Store? There are fireworks after the game as well. How will we know if these are actual fireworks and not portends of the end of times?

I await your response but please hurry because we have some time constraints here.

Signed,

Confused in Cleveland

PS: I know what you're thinking, we should have known something was amiss when the Indians were still in first place on May 1!

Even Nico Gets the Blues!

Time for some Ogden Nash and some damned sunshine.

The weather is so very mild
That some would call it warm.
Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child?
Here comes a thunderstorm.

The sky is now indelible ink,
The branches reft asunder;
But you and I we do not shrink;
We love the lovely thunder.

The garden is a raging sea,
The hurricane is snarling;
Oh, happy you and happy me!
Isn't the lightning darling?

Fear not the thunder, little one.
It's weather, simply weather;
It's friendly giants full of fun
Clapping their hands together.

I hope of lightning our supply
Will never be exhausted;
You know its lanterns in the sky
For angels who are losted.

We love the kindly wind and hail,
The jolly thunderbolt,
We watch in glee the fairy trail
Of ampere, watt, and volt.

Oh, than to enjoy a storm like this
There's nothing I would rather,
Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!
Or else leave room for Father.