An Open Letter To Harold Camping

Sir:

First, can I just say that it's rained for like 10 days straight. We've had about double the normal amount of rain in April and we've already exceeded May's standards by over 4 inches. Saturday, May 21, 2011, the National Weather Service says that we will have 75 degree temperatures and brilliant sunshine. I am guessing it won't truly be sunshine but the rapture?

If I may beg your indulgence, I have a couple of questions for you. My friend Lauren and I are going to the baseball game Friday night and I am pretty sure we will not be among His chosen people. As I am not sure what time zone applies for the rapture and subsequent cataclysms, we are bringing rain ponchos. Will these offer any protection from the cataclysmic events or should we also purchase batting helmets from the Indians' Store? There are fireworks after the game as well. How will we know if these are actual fireworks and not portends of the end of times?

I await your response but please hurry because we have some time constraints here.

Signed,

Confused in Cleveland

PS: I know what you're thinking, we should have known something was amiss when the Indians were still in first place on May 1!